Major League Baseball
Colorado Rockies
This is one of the best team names on the list and one that probably should stick. That said, I said every team that has not won, so it includes this one. Colorado is known for its beautiful landscapes and wildlife. The new name for the Colorado Rockies will be the Colorado Coyotes.
Milwaukee Brewers
The Milwaukee Brewers were another fantastic team name that fits the city and franchise well. However, like the Rockies, the name should be changed. A lot of people do not realize that Harley Davidson actually started in Milwaukee as well. It would make sense to name the team after that and do some cool sound effects at the stadium for it. New name will be the Milwaukee Motorcycles.
San Diego Padres
Now we are getting into names that aren't so great. Most people don't even know what a Padre is or why it is a sport team nickname. Why does it fit for San Diego as well? San Diego is known for its wildlife, its attractions, and above all its perfect weather. However it is difficult to name a team after the weather. We can easily name a team after an awesome animal in San Diego. New team name will be the San Diego Sand Sharks.
Seattle Mariners
The Mariners had the best player of this generation, but a boring team name. Most people think of rain when they think of seattle and the city likes alliterative nicknames. Why don't we make the Mariners the Seattle Storm. Way better name and its alliterative.
Tampa Bay Rays
The Rays actually are a great team name and the team is arguably the best in the area. However, I do prefer the old Devil Rays name and logo personally. There is a minor league team named the Tarpons in Tampa and its a great name. The Tarpon fishing in Tampa Bay is the best in the world. This franchise shall rename itself the Tampa Bay Tarpons.
Texas Rangers
This nickname isn't awful either, the Texas Rangers are a great name. The worst team names have won though in this sport and here is another solid name being changed. Now, the team will recognize the city and become the Arlington Admirals instead of the Texas Rangers.
Bonus: Houston Astros
The Astros are a dumb name from a team that cheated to its way to its only championship in 2017. They should absolutely be on this list and should have their recent history erased for their embarrassing cheating. The colors are terrible too by the way. Orange and blue should never be together. Let's go for some alliteration and re-name this team the Houston Hornets. Change their colors to gold and black.
National Basketball Association
Brooklyn Nets
Nets is a boring team name and since the team is no longer New Jersey, it doesn't flow as well. The best possible name is a throwback to a wrestler. This team is now to be known as the Brooklyn Brawlers. Its long past time for this to be a team nickname.
Charlotte Hornets
Any name is better than the Bobcats, but having to Hornets back in Charlotte hasn't exactly been a great thing. The colors are nothing like hornets either. That said, the color scheme is unique and should stay. A truly unique name could be the Charlotte Carriers. The carrier pigeon is green and purple and since they eat hornets, they have to be considered more intimidating.
Denver Nuggets
I like the name Denver Nuggets and Rocky the Mountain Lion is one of the best mascots around. However, the team hasn't won, so I am going to submit a name change. An intimidating and alliterative new name is the Denver Dobermans. There are a lot of teams with Bulldogs as their nickname, but not many other dog breeds. The doberman is more intimidating than a bulldog though.
Indiana Pacers
It's crazy that the Pacers never won the NBA Championship. They had Reggie Miller! They didn't win though, so they are on the list. To tie in the rich history that Indiana has with cars, they shall be named the Indiana Ignition.
Los Angeles Clippers
The LA Clippers are serious contenders now with Kawhi and Paul George. The team hasn't won yet though and the name is terrible. The team could be named the California Condors instead. This bird with the largest wingspan in North America would make a wonderful mascot. It's majesty would go well with the red, white, and blue color scheme.
Memphis Grizzles
There are so many Grizzles in Memphis....How about a name that actually goes with the area. Memphis has a rich musical history, but the Jazz isn't the best name that they could use. Their new name shall be the Memphis Soul.
Minnesota Timberwolves
One of the best logos and names in the NBA, and not one that should be changed. As a team that hasn't won, they still go on the list. They shall now be named the Minnesota Mussels. There is a lot you can do with the Mussel as a logo, as the Fort Myers Mighty Mussels have shown us. This is a great name for a team.
New Orleans Pelicans
I actually like the name Pelicans, the uniforms and everything. This is a unique name among pro sports teams. They also will probably eventually win with Zion in the fold. For purposes of this exercise, we will still rename them. The team colors should be purple and gold for the Mardi Gras history of the town and be renamed the New Orleans Night Owls.
Orlando Magic
The Magic is one of the best names in pro sport and goes well with the city and the nearby Disney attraction. It is not one to change, but will be for purposes of these changes. To incorporate the other theme parks and thrills of the area, the new name will be the Orlando Adrenaline. Just bring back the pinstripe uniforms.
Phoenix Suns
Phoenix Suns isn't a bad name, but it is boring. Let's get something a little bit better. What animal is one of the best known ones out west? The roadrunner is an iconic bird and they could possibly tie in a bunch of looney tunes stuff with the team. That roadrunner has some purple, just like the current Phoenix team uniforms. The Arizona Roadrunners shall be the new name.
Utah Jazz
The Jazz are another team that has come close to winning, but fallen just short. They shall be renamed the Utah Grizzles. That name is great, it just doesn't fit in Memphis. It fits much better in Utah. There is a minor league ice hockey team that goes by this name, but the top league of the NBA gets dibs.
Washington Wizards
Technically the Wizards did win the NBA Championship back when the team was the Bullets. They were a good team back then and a return to the Bullets would be a welcome change. The Wizard is the worst nickname in professional sports though. It's just dumb. It has to change. If we can't have the Bullets, give us something else. Give me Freedom, Freedom Fighters, Americans, Generals, anything Patriotic. We will just say the Washington Generals for now.
National Football League
Atlanta Falcons
The Falcons had a huge lead in the Super Bowl a few years back, but blew it. Just like they blew this unoriginal nickname. They can keep the colors and the bird theming. Just change it to a bigger and more powerful bird. The Atlanta Red Hawks.
Arizona Cardinals
Speaking of unoriginal team names, do we really need a Cardinals in every pro sport? Let's get something different. How about another team named after the deadly snakes in Arizona. The Arizona Copperheads is a lot more threatening of a name.
Buffalo Bills
The Bills made 4 straight Super Bowls and didn't win a single one. The team could change on that alone. I actually love the college team and mascot and think its a tad better. Let's do the Buffalo Bulls instead.
Carolina Panthers
The Panthers have had their chances at winning too. They have an awfully boring and generic team name though. Carolina could be the Blue Crabs which sounds better and fits better with the area. It makes the blue make sense as well. Blue Panthers don't exist.
Cincinnati Bengals
The Bengals have some of the best uniforms in the NFL and have great colors. That said, you don't exactly think of Bengal Tigers when you think of Cincinnati. This city is known for its architecture. What is something associated with architecture? Construction. Cincinnati Construction doesn't sound great, but the Cincinnati Cranes sounds alright and gives the team a lot of options.
Cleveland Browns
The Browns will eventually be renamed. Fans of the team are often called the Dog Pound. Why not name the team after an intimidating breed of dog. The Cleveland Bloodhounds is an infinitely better name than the Browns.
Detroit Lions
Let me give you a little secret...Lions are not blue and they are not from Detroit. This nickname makes no sense and is forever linked with a loser. Time to change it. The Detroit Drive would be a nice recognition of the city's history with motor vehicles. It also allows them to go several different ways with logo and color scheme. I'm biased to silver and gold together and nobody else does it.
Houston Texans
The Texans is such a boring nickname. They had a great nickname, logo, and color scheme before the team moved. Time to go back. Houston Oilers with the baby blue instead of Navy.
Jacksonville Jaguars
The Jaguars is a cool nickname from the standpoint of it being a unique nickname in pro sports and sounding cool. There are no Jaguars in Jacksonville though (unless you count the zoo) and the uniforms are terrible. Let's name them the Jacksonville Redfish after a popular fish in the region. Their colors can change to garnet and black for a more unique uniform. It can have some gold trim in there too.
Los Angeles Chargers
The powder blue uniforms of the Chargers are among the best in sport. What is not the best in sport is that there is another team in Los Angeles. This team shall move to another Californian city (San Diego, Oakland, or Sacramento) and be renamed the California Sea Lions. Just make their main color that blue.
Minnesota Vikings
Since the timberwolves changed their name, the Vikings can take the Timberwolves and adopt a purple and gray color scheme. The Vikings aren't a bad name, but the Timberwolves are a better one.
Tennessee Titans
The Titans are a solid team name and the team has great uniforms. They will now be known as the Nashville Noise giving recognition to the city's musical background. It gives them quite a bit of freedom with logos and colors as well.
Washington Football Team
The Redskins name was changed this summer to Washington Football Team. Obviously it will eventually change in to another team. I love the Red Wolves idea, but if they don't go with that, I'd love a patriotic theme. How about the Washington Freedom and have them get red, white, and blue uniforms like the other teams in Washington.
National Hockey League
Arizona Coyotes
There are plenty of coyotes in Arizona and the name isn't that bad. I'm not a huge fan of the uniforms though despite a great color scheme and the nickname can improve. Let's do the Arizona Racoons and change that desert sand to white. The team can be black and white with garnet as the third color.
Buffalo Sabres
Buffalo fans are passionate, but their teams are terrible. Their city is known for the cold and not much else. How about the Buffalo Blizzards? Their colors can be baby blue, white, and black.
Columbus Blue Jackets
What a dumb name? This is the dumbest name besides the Wizards. It's hard not to think of something that improves this nickname. Additionally, the color scheme is overused. I love the old red, white, and blue, but it can't be used for every team. The team shall be renamed the Ohio Owls and their colors should change to brown, black, and yellow. A color scheme not used anywhere else in sports.
Florida Panthers
The Florida Panthers have some of the coolest uniforms in hockey and a solid logo. This is one I wouldn't change, but the team hasn't won. A solid change could be the Miami Manatees. Their main color could be silver with orange as their secondary color.
Minnesota Wild
This is an uninspiring name with a weird logo that shows nothing about the state of Minnesota. There new name should be the Minnesota Miracle. A shout out to the Miracle on ice for which the coach of Team USA came from Minnesota. Of course the color scheme would have to change to red, white, and blue.
Nashville Predators
A cool team name, cool mascot, and sweet uniforms. This is one of the keeper teams. If it has to change, they should keep Gnash as the mascot. The story behind the name and that they found a saber-tooth tiger at the digsite is awesome. This team will be the Tigers and it will make sense.
Ottawa Senators
There are better nicknames than the Senators. A better name for the Ottawa NHL team would be the black bears. The Ottawa Black Bears is a much better team name.
San Jose Sharks
This is a great team name, a great logo, and the sharks are crazy underutilized as a team name. Since by my rules it has to change, it should change to another underused team name. The San Jose Swordfish is another solid name.
Vancouver Canucks
The Canucks? That's the name? We already have the Canadians. Let's go with a team that would be far different, how about the Vancouver Lynx. That name isn't used in sports and could be a cool mascot.
Vegas Golden Knights
Vegas was on the right track, but their mascot makes no sense and this isn't 1890. They should be renamed the Golden Eagles. The golden eagle is the largest raptor in North America and makes for a wonderful team name. A golden eagle mascot would be far superior to their weird mascot which they claim is a gila monster.
Winnipeg Jets
This nickname leaves a lot to be desired. It also is the name that was used for a team that left town. They do have a solid logo though so we'd want a similar variation to that. How about the Winnipeg Wolves with a wolf where the jet is on the logo. You could keep the color scheme. This way the name has some alliteration and sounds way better.
- Noland
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